​and there we stood, 
three teachers
the oldest trans person i have ever met a glowing lesbian
and me, the first nonbinary teacher, that has ever been to this school
illegally smoking on the rooftop of a catholic school
a kid told me today, with tears in their eyes, that they feel the same
way
the teacher next to me took a big puff of their cigarette
smiling they looked at me
‚isn't it fabulous how everything comes together?’
i cried on my way home.
 
it is.
 
​
​
​
​
​
i was shaking
my hands clenched into fists
i told the class that i am neither a woman nor a man
i felt sweat running down my spine
while i told them that they should not be afraid to ask me anything
"isn't that illegal?" a fairly rebellious boy asked
i clenched my fists tighter
hidden in my pockets
"fortunately its not"
i heard my raspy voice say
 
"that's cool though"
he nodded
some of the kids agreed aloud
 
and for the first time in years
i loosened my clenched fists
​
​
​
​
​
​
i found new friends that night
in the heat of dancing bodies
and the cold of the first december night
i was looking up to the sky
the stars were brighter than usual i thought
while i snuggled myself deeper into the blanket with girls i met two
hours ago
we cuddled the cold cigarette smoke away
minutes later
popsong running through our bodies
flirting with each other half naked on the dancefloor
queer energy flowing through my veins
closing my eyes
and while i was screaming a lady gaga song from the top of my lungs
i felt the queer blanket hugging me
 
i have not felt that safe in a long time
​
​
​
​
​
​
a few years ago
i was with my first girlfriend
my parents were in shock
so was i
 
we were at a birthday party in my hometown
songs from the 80s
blasting
dancing
old people and judgmental looks
side eyeing two people on the dance floor having fun
i was full of adrenaline
when the music suddenly changed
slow and flowy
sexy and smooth
all the couples
men holding their women
girls kissing their boys
i looked at my girlfriend
my heart was about to burst
and then
she shrugged her shoulders and smiled brightly at me
 
we kissed
the kiss felt like forever
i knew everybody was staring
 
she kissed me so well, so lovely
that i was not afraid anymore
 
even tough
my hometown
has never seen lesbians before
​
​
​
​
​
​
a beloved person of mine
and me
we bought new clothes
​
the clothes were euphoric clothes
my friend dressed themself for the first time in flowy soft materials
feminine
you would say
​
i held their hair, while they washed their face
we would put on make up
bright colors, beautiful glitter stones
​
we were standing facing the mirror
while i braided their hair
so soft and smooth
as the music was playing from the small speaker in the corner
it felt like every sound was miles away
there we were
in a bright glittery colorful world
smelling like vanilla
laughing about our facial features
putting gems on the parts we hated
​
i put a bobby pin in their hair
and looked in the mirror
to see their face
​
i will never forget the look that was on their face
​
happiness
with a small tear in the corner
of their beautifully painted eye